Don’t make career plans – here’s why

I thought something would happen the last week of March, but what was supposed to happen didn’t.

See, I was supposed to figure out who the man of my dreams was this past week. Stop laughing. This is serious business. Last year, I felt overwhelmingly that this would happen in March or April, and as time went on, I began to believe that it would happen in the last week of March.

I told a couple people about this craziness – my mother, Belle, Hercules. They all humored me while explaining in a good-natured way that I shouldn’t count on it.

You can’t plan for things like this, they said. You can’t plan for love.

Fine, I told them. But I went ahead and had drinks with every eligible bachelor I knew. Just in case. Then I waited for fireworks.

Nothing.

Okay, so you can’t plan love. And you can’t plan for your career any better.

When you stick to a plan, you miss out on opportunities. Besides, you’re only in control of yourself. You may have goals, but unless you’re ruthless with yourself and who you are - your abilities, your strengths, your weaknesses - you’re not going to get anywhere.

For instance, I had drinks with Johannes last week. He’s been planning one particular career path for a number of years now and found out recently that he didn’t get the job he really wanted. He got another great job, but it wasn’t the one he had put on the map he carried around and relied upon. Understandably, he was pretty despondent.

This was probably you when you realized that you would never use your degree. Or when you found out you couldn’t have children. Or when you started your dream job, the one that paid you large sums of money, and you looked outside your corner office with a view and realized you’d rather be a musician.

That’s the thing about life. It doesn’t really care about your plans. So you can chart all the courses you want, but it’s much better to just be prepared and flexible for the opportunities that come your way.

Like Sunday, when I shot a gun. Um, yeah.

If you know me at all, you know how ridiculous this is. And my mother is probably having a heart attack right now. But mom, it’s okay. I was very safe.

I’ve never believed that people should own guns. In England, they don’t allow people to own guns, and there’s virtually no gun-related crime. Seems easy enough to me. So I’ve always thought that owning a gun was downright stupid. Or I did. Until my friend drove us to a shooting ground, taught me the rules of gun safety, and I pulled the trigger. I actually even hit the target several times.

Do you know how exhilarating it is to try new things? To take risks and do something you never thought you would?

That’s why it’s so necessary not to hold onto your plans, opinions, and beliefs with such strictness that you can’t change and adapt, and with such fear that you don’t live your life.

You know, I was never going to be the person I am today. I was going to be the next William McDonough. I was going to be the next Samuel Mockbee. And well, I’ve always wanted to be Oprah. And maybe someday I will be. But I’m pretty glad life got in the way of my plans.

In summary, to rock your life and your career:

1) Focus on the now.
2) Like plans, love change.
3) Take risks.
4) Repeat.

In the meantime, I’m accepting that maybe I’m just not ready for a relationship. Or maybe the person that I like isn’t ready. Or maybe we’re not meant to be together. Whatever. The point is, I’m done worrying about it. And I’m ready for today.

Love it like you mean it.

Gen Y women – out of the workplace woods?

Here’s the thing. I work with a lot of men. During phone calls, I speak with men. For meetings, I sit down with men. At networking events, more men walk in the door than women. In particular, at entrepreneurial events there are lots and lots of men, and just one or two women.

And guess what? I could care less.

Sort of. Because not immediately, but always eventually I notice there are fewer women than men in my life. And then, inevitably, I feel that it’s necessary to say something like, “Where are my women at?” I don’t know why such words fly out of my mouth because I feel comfortable around these men. They’re good guys. But there’s this undercurrent that just doesn’t feel right.

Monica O’Brien calls this casual sexism, and basically tells us to shut up about it, play by the rules and move on. Which is good advice. It’s the path that’s gotten me where I am today.

Indeed, this month’s issue of Portfolio observes that nobody wants to talk about it because most people think there’s nothing to discuss.

Generation Y women in particular are growing up believing they don’t have to worry about sexism. In college I certainly didn’t feel there were inequalities.

It was only a few months after graduation that I learned otherwise. Somehow I had finagled my way onto the Board of a local nonprofit, and the rest of the Board was comprised of men. Older men who didn’t listen to me. There was one woman who joined our meetings by teleconference; she was pregnant and bed-ridden. And those meetings always made me a little indignant.

Like when I read advice that tells me I have to get married and have babies before I’m thirty. I guess it’s smart advice, but it doesn’t resonate with me. I don’t feel that my entire life needs to be managed around having a baby, because I don’t feel that my sole purpose in life is to have a baby.

But it seems that because women are different, being built to have babies and all, that our success isn’t the same as the success of men.

For example, when one of the top alpha females in my area personally called me last week to congratulate me on a recent success, I was ecstatic. I told Hercules all about it, and he said to me, “That’s great. But you know, she’s really not all that smart.”

And I took what he fed me, because I respect Hercules and I like him a lot. But then, do you know what I did after that? Each time I told the story, I added that clause to the end. That this wonderful, well-respected woman who personally called me might not be that smart in reality. What?!

That belittles her success and it belittles mine. It’s casual sexism at its best.

This is what Gen Y women are dealing with. And it may be entirely more dangerous than outright discrimination since it seeps quietly into our minds and then out of our mouths. That sucks.

Because while we may not be marching for our rights any longer, we’re still debating whether pantsuits are unfeminine and men like Jun Loayza now think it’s charming to ask if we were “a little crazy as an undergrad.”

We’re not out of the woods yet.

Gen Y women will have to breed an entirely different form of feminism to deal with this. I don’t have the answer here, because I often feel conflicted. I genuinely enjoy being a woman. In my view, I want to wear the dresses and have the power. Only time will tell if I can have it all.

Working girl.

Bottled dreams

Gen Y to cities: Don’t ignore us

Update: A version of this post was published here as an opinion editorial, and another version was featured here on Brazen Careerist.

The pull Madison has is inexplicable, but powerful. It is this magic that sleeps in the winter, and then explodes in the spring like confetti on your twenty-first birthday, that makes me love the city. Even the winters become part of the voodoo that creates the vibrant mix of people and food and ideas and lakes.

Madison defines who I am. My career, friendships, and relationships are delivered to me from the city stork, like they were birthed directly from this intoxicating energy.

My affair with the city is an epic romance. But the city doesn’t know it.

Madison isn’t alone. Despite consistently placing in the top of every list imaginable – from Playboy to Forbes – Madison, like many other cities, is ignoring one of its most competitive advantages. That is, young people.

See, as cash cows go, Gen Y is a big one, and cities are ignoring us – the young leaders, entrepreneurs, professionals and creatives – in their plans for economic development.

Partnering with Gen Y should be of the utmost priority for cities since we are uniquely positioned to stimulate economic development. For example:

1. Good jobs come from good people. Economic development starts with human capital. The war for talent is one of the most interesting and challenging issues that cities face today. Young people actively promote and contribute to the high quality of life in cities, and need to be able to connect to both people and ideas. We are the quality workforce that is indispensable to basic sector job growth. Without a strong cadre of young talent, employers will be unable to expand.

2. Competitive advantage starts with entrepreneurship. More than any other generation, young people today are entrepreneurs. To meet the small business owners, the tenants of research parks, and other key entrepreneurs in cities is to meet an under forty demographic. There is ample opportunity to provide dynamic support for young entrepreneurs and the talent coming out of universities. Young entrepreneurs are a powerful determinant of a city’s future economy. They cannot be an afterthought.

3. To new customers, cities have no legacy. Gen Y knows little about the negative perceptions that have been prevalent within the business community. We don’t know the history or the mistakes. This is an opportunity for cities to build positive goodwill through superior customer service for this new generation. Young people can help cities to think innovatively. Cities can then borrow that energy and willingness to change to jump-start a perception shift in the existing business community.

4. Spiky should be funded. Place is extremely important to Gen Y and largely determines our destiny in today’s spiky world, to borrow a term from Richard Florida. To become a taller spike in the world’s economy – to compete – cities needs to attract young talent. In turn, young people will develop businesses and new markets. Cities should allocate money to young talent groups that promote and build upon the city’s strengths and spikiness to create the competitive advantage that allows us to expand business.

Cities must proactively reach out to Gen Y. Young people represent growth, and must be engaged in a city’s future development. We are a natural partner and ally in stimulating economic development.

Talent city.

Anticipating Spring

Back Off: Gen Y’s helicopter parents are a good thing

On the third round of interviews for my current job, my interviewer was a Boomer whose opinion as the head of a similar and larger organization was valuable to my future Board.

After talking about Gen Y leadership, in which I blatantly quoted my blog to close the deal, she asked me what I would do if I witnessed unethical behavior.

“I would investigate to see if it was really unethical behavior,” I said, “or if I was misunderstanding the situation.”

It was the perfect answer for a business that loves gossip, but doesn’t like to make waves.

Then out of nowhere I felt compelled to add, “And I would probably call my mom and ask her advice.”

My interviewer smiled. Turned out my answer was right on all counts.

We ended up spending a large part of the remaining time talking about her relationship with her mom. She described how her mother had come to interviews with her, and how she continued to count on her mom in her high-profile position.

Gen Y isn’t the only one counting on parents for advice. This is behavior magnified and built upon from previous generations.

I call my mom all the time. Not as much as she’d like me to - a constant source of debate - but I value her thoughts and respect her advice more than anyone else.

She’s usually right too. Men, career, friends, she just knows. Everything. Annoying, that.

“Most Gen Y’s have strong, positive relationships with their Boomer parents,” Tammy Erickson argues at the Harvard Business Review. “They speak with Mom or Dad when they have a problem, and most feel that their parents understand them.”

I’m not saying that you should always listen to your parents, or that they’re always right. My own mother, who I referenced in my interview to get the job, and who praised me for my smart answers, was hesitant that I should even take it.

She didn’t really understand what I would be doing. I still don’t think she fully understands. But I took the job anyway.

I also listened to my mother at the same time.

Listening to my mom is recognition that I am becoming an adult. See, asking for help is one of the most adult things you can do.

There’s no one better to ask for help than your parents, because despite the fact that sometimes they might annoy or guilt-trip you, they really, in their heart of hearts, want the best for you. And they’re always proud of you. They always love you. That’s what parents do. And they know you better than anyone else.

I find it funny to read that some experts believe that Gen Y “may well shatter,” as the result of intense Boomer parental involvement. Do you know what I do when life isn’t going my way? I call my mom. And do you know what she tells me? “This is your life,” she says. “Stop crying and deal with it.”

Okay, it may not be those exact words, but today’s parents are not ignorant. They know that despite their coddling, Gen Y will need to become independent in order for us to succeed.

So we might as well stop getting up in arms that parents are helping their children. Because in the game called life, we really need as much as help as we can get.

“Use your parents’ insight to gain experience when you have none,” Rosie Reilman argues. “But don’t let them live your lives for you. This is your life. Take ownership of it.”

I agree. I’m not saying don’t grow up. We should grow up and take responsibility. I don’t believe, for instance, that you should move back home after college. Because of how I was raised, I think that’s irresponsible.

But I think we all feel, especially in our twenties – and maybe it never ends – that we’re doing a good job of just acting like adults. And maybe if we’re good enough actors, we’ll actually become adults someday. With the help of our parents, of course.

While Erickson believes we should accept all this as “a changing cultural norm,” Scott Williamson argues that “accepting this sort of behavior just enables more of it.”

But I believe we want to enable a workforce that asks for help, that respects their parents, and who aren’t afraid to admit that we don’t have all the answers. Certainly, there are instances when it can go overboard, but why must we continually let a few bad apples set the tone?

We shouldn’t sensationalize what is generally a good trend.

Motherly advice.

In my head, I made up a story about this

Generation Y is the ER doctor of generations

At the bottom of the hospital hierarchy are ER doctors.

I know this because straight out of college I dated two med-students back to back. Also, Belle’s boyfriend is a neurosurgery resident. He never lets me forget it. Which is fine because I’m not the one who thinks that great veins are a turn on.

An emergency room is open twenty-four hours a day, and responds to everything that comes in. ER doctors have no specialization. They know a little about everything, and so they also know nothing.

Generation Y is the ER doctor of generations.

We’re doing pretty darn good. We’re saving lives. But is it enough to live up to all the hype?

Not having a specialization means that we’re buying blueberry pies rather than making them from scratch. In other words, we’re not putting in the time to create quality, seemingly preferring quantity as proof that we’re a demographic force to be reckoned with.

What’s good about this is that we have the ability to respond quickly to issues that come up. The presidential campaign, for example, or the Virginia Tech shootings.

What’s bad about this is that it is an emergency room approach. We’ll fix things as they come along. Place a band-aid on and sing a song.

We’ve yet to look at the underlying structures of the workplace and the economy and cities and relationships, and therein lies the opportunity. It isn’t that we’re not making change already. It’s that we can be making more meaningful, more impactful change.

My own organization struggles with this. We often worry that in being everything to everyone in order to serve the varied tastes and interests of young talent, we are also nothing to nobody.

We also believe that we are doing many good things, and we certainly are. But we have issues. Issues that are symptoms of a larger underlying structure upon which the organization is built. And if you’re only addressing the symptoms, and not the underlying causes, you’re in trouble.

We’re scared to change, and indeed, we seemingly don’t have to change. We are a good organization. And Generation Y is a good generation.

But don’t we want to be great?

Without understanding, addressing, and changing our structure, Generation Y will forever be stuck in the emergency room.

We need not just to be the neurosurgeons of the world, but the researchers, the fearless learners, engaging in the constant “sifting and winnowing by which alone the truth can be found.”

Ryan Healy of Brazen Careerist argues that “our fights and causes will be not to tear down established systems like the federal government and big business. Rather, we will strive to fix, repair and rebuild these broken systems, because history shows that the systems do work – if properly designed.”

And therein lies the point. The systems aren’t properly designed. If what we were doing was working, we wouldn’t have global warming, extreme poverty, and war.

Most of Generation Y is comfortable, yes, but the world is not.

Healy goes on to argue that our advances in the workplace are evidence of how “we aren’t revolting in the streets, but improving broken systems.” I hope that we don’t just improve, but redefine.

We do need to work within the system. It is only within a system that you will fully understand how to change it. It’s taken me six months at my new job to understand and grasp the intricacies of my organization in order to be in a position to actually address them.

It is only by being fully involved in the corporate cultures in which we work, in the neighborhoods we live in, and in the politics that govern us that we will be the civic generation of builders.

Generation Y is doing this already. As young workers enter the workforce, we begin to realize that life is harder than the sheltered life our Boomer parents led us to believe. This is good. We need to be a little surprised, a little incensed at what the real world has to offer. We need to test our idealism.

And then we need to use the gap between our current reality, and where we’d like to be, to not only fill the cracks in our foundation, but then engage in the often more interesting work of seeing what the foundation is made of.

Addressing the underlying issues, and not just the symptoms, is perhaps one of the most exciting things we as a generation can accomplish. Besides, we already have the passion and dedication.

Structural force.

A river runs through it

New look for a new month

I wasn’t planning on redesigning my blog. I was planning on spending the evening with friends. But I sat down to make some minor changes and before I knew it, 2:00 am rolled around and my blog was completely different.

Key new features include a new look and feel, drawing inspiration from some of my favorite bloggers. You can also search the blog using the Google widget in the sidebar, and whenever I post something to del.icio.us you’ll know under the “daily links i like” sidebar section. You can also see where I contribute under the sidebar section “community,” and I’ve placed the old mastheads under the “about” section if you’re feeling nostalgic.

I really hope you all enjoy the new look, and I welcome your feedback. I’ll be fine-tuning some things as time goes on, but if you see any glaring problems, do let me know. Thank you!