Comments on: ‘Don’t burn bridges’ is bad career advice http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/ Career and life advice for the new generation Tue, 16 Mar 2010 20:14:36 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: How to Deal With Big Jerks | Modite http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-350795 How to Deal With Big Jerks | Modite Wed, 17 Feb 2010 03:02:40 +0000 http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/#comment-350795 [...] big mean jerk, their demons and their decisions should not be of great concern to you, and is better left to psychology. You can’t possibly know what they’ve been through. Maybe [...] [...] big mean jerk, their demons and their decisions should not be of great concern to you, and is better left to psychology. You can’t possibly know what they’ve been through. Maybe [...]

]]> By: pmaina http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-343701 pmaina Thu, 21 Jan 2010 22:11:02 +0000 http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/#comment-343701 References nowadays are about brown nosing - how does the prospective employer ascertain objectivity? Historically, great men never had good references because they always rocked the boat: - John the baptist: Hated by a queen - Jesus: Hated by a King & an entire community - Moses: Hated by a King - King David: Hated by a King - Daniel: Jailed by a King - Galileo Galilei: Disgraced for asserting that the world was not FLAT What kind of references would the above people have? Yet they are some of the greatest people who ever lived. What makes HR people think the former boss gicving reference is professional, ethical and has good intentions? That the former boss was not a sick sadist/ psychopath (30% probability according to researchers!)? In some places it's no longer about your work and what you did for your company. Its about how well you sucked up to an abusive abusive boss who used the threat of "ruining future prospects" to keep their victims on a leash. Dont burn bridges = Be nice to the sick jerk - even when you dont have to! After being bullied and abused at work a couple of times I made up my mind. NO MORE. I will fight back and when forced to a desperate position, I will cross the bridge, then burn it. Close the chapter permanently. I can survive without a "reference" from a sadistic jerk who will probably defame me at the slightest chance anyway. Seriously, what guarantee do you have that an EVIL person who was nasty to you WHEN YOU WERE THERE PHYSICALLY will suddenly have a touch of benevolence, goodwill and sense of fairness when they see one last opportunity to attack you? If your boss is a jerk and mistreats you - get something better then let him/her know in no uncertain terms what EXACTLY you think of him/her when you're leaving (or immediately after leaving - in case its not safe). You dont need that kind of poison in your life. After 10+ years in corporate world, I made a decision to take control of my life and have never been happier and more healthy. If your boss is ajerk, dont hesitate to burn that bridge. Call a spade a spade and make that one-way move to a better you. Cheers! :-) References nowadays are about brown nosing – how does the prospective employer ascertain objectivity?

Historically, great men never had good references because they always rocked the boat:

- John the baptist: Hated by a queen
- Jesus: Hated by a King & an entire community
- Moses: Hated by a King
- King David: Hated by a King
- Daniel: Jailed by a King
- Galileo Galilei: Disgraced for asserting that the world was not FLAT

What kind of references would the above people have? Yet they are some of the greatest people who ever lived.

What makes HR people think the former boss gicving reference is professional, ethical and has good intentions? That the former boss was not a sick sadist/ psychopath (30% probability according to researchers!)?

In some places it’s no longer about your work and what you did for your company. Its about how well you sucked up to an abusive abusive boss who used the threat of “ruining future prospects” to keep their victims on a leash.

Dont burn bridges = Be nice to the sick jerk – even when you dont have to!

After being bullied and abused at work a couple of times I made up my mind. NO MORE. I will fight back and when forced to a desperate position, I will cross the bridge, then burn it. Close the chapter permanently.

I can survive without a “reference” from a sadistic jerk who will probably defame me at the slightest chance anyway.

Seriously, what guarantee do you have that an EVIL person who was nasty to you WHEN YOU WERE THERE PHYSICALLY will suddenly have a touch of benevolence, goodwill and sense of fairness when they see one last opportunity to attack you?

If your boss is a jerk and mistreats you – get something better then let him/her know in no uncertain terms what EXACTLY you think of him/her when you’re leaving (or immediately after leaving – in case its not safe).

You dont need that kind of poison in your life. After 10+ years in corporate world, I made a decision to take control of my life and have never been happier and more healthy. If your boss is ajerk, dont hesitate to burn that bridge. Call a spade a spade and make that one-way move to a better you.

Cheers!

:-)

]]> By: Nesting in an anxious mind | Modite http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-321667 Nesting in an anxious mind | Modite Tue, 27 Oct 2009 02:53:58 +0000 http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/#comment-321667 [...] or seven months, I’ve created a bubble around me of people I trust, making sweeping efforts to withdraw from drama. Through this process, I learned - and there’s no need to rehash the details – the bubble [...] [...] or seven months, I’ve created a bubble around me of people I trust, making sweeping efforts to withdraw from drama. Through this process, I learned – and there’s no need to rehash the details – the bubble [...]

]]> By: Wonder http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-302074 Wonder Mon, 24 Aug 2009 21:26:22 +0000 http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/#comment-302074 I cannot help but ask you guys about what you think of my situation: I had been having a few problems with my boss for quite a few months. There was a lot of conflict of interest that affected the team. I did go ahead and brought to his boss's notice ...and of course requested it to be anonymous. But thign didnt change. Eventually tired of all this, I recently changed my job. Unfortunately my boss got to know about this complain(which surprised me) and he started to behave wierd. He stopped all communication with me while I was in the company and even cancelled my farewell dinner. and After which he has been bad mouthing about me to other employees. I was hurt and wasnt sure what I should be doing. Please help. I cannot help but ask you guys about what you think of my situation: I had been having a few problems with my boss for quite a few months. There was a lot of conflict of interest that affected the team. I did go ahead and brought to his boss’s notice …and of course requested it to be anonymous. But thign didnt change. Eventually tired of all this, I recently changed my job. Unfortunately my boss got to know about this complain(which surprised me) and he started to behave wierd. He stopped all communication with me while I was in the company and even cancelled my farewell dinner. and After which he has been bad mouthing about me to other employees. I was hurt and wasnt sure what I should be doing. Please help.

]]> By: How to innovate your career | Modite http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-289201 How to innovate your career | Modite Thu, 30 Jul 2009 02:06:29 +0000 http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/#comment-289201 [...] to a single position. You probably won’t use the major listed on your college degree. You’ll change jobs six to eight times before you’re thirty. And you’ll eventually get the urge to change the world, which doesn’t [...] [...] to a single position. You probably won’t use the major listed on your college degree. You’ll change jobs six to eight times before you’re thirty. And you’ll eventually get the urge to change the world, which doesn’t [...]

]]> By: Is it time for you to quit your job? « Bret L. Simmons http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-284648 Is it time for you to quit your job? « Bret L. Simmons Mon, 20 Jul 2009 19:24:30 +0000 http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/#comment-284648 [...] Rebecca Thorman writes about life and career advice for the millennial generation. Her post “Don’t burn bridges is bad career advice” is right on! I strongly agree with her point that the ability to start over enables unlimited [...] [...] Rebecca Thorman writes about life and career advice for the millennial generation. Her post “Don’t burn bridges is bad career advice” is right on! I strongly agree with her point that the ability to start over enables unlimited [...]

]]> By: Burning Bridges Career Advice | Cube Rules http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-253427 Burning Bridges Career Advice | Cube Rules Sun, 03 May 2009 23:59:47 +0000 http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/#comment-253427 [...] a provocative — and excellent — article from Rebecca Thorman on her Modite site called ‘Don’t burn bridges’ is bad career advice. If you think that keeping business relationships with poor managers, lousy team members and crappy [...] [...] a provocative — and excellent — article from Rebecca Thorman on her Modite site called ‘Don’t burn bridges’ is bad career advice. If you think that keeping business relationships with poor managers, lousy team members and crappy [...]

]]> By: Laurie | Your Ill-fitting Overcoat http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-252228 Laurie | Your Ill-fitting Overcoat Thu, 30 Apr 2009 18:54:20 +0000 http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/#comment-252228 As a recovering people-pleaser, this one's hard for me. I don't like knowing that there's negative energy out there in the world, being blown in my general direction. But something that I've been realizing lately, and that you address here, is that <i>not everyone is worth having a relationship with</i>. I don't even mean that like "they have no worth as a person" I just mean that we are not compatible and we have little to offer each other. I don't need to maintain relationships with people. I should be considerate and polite, I think, but if that's not enough for them? That's their issue, not mine. Thanks for this post! As a recovering people-pleaser, this one’s hard for me. I don’t like knowing that there’s negative energy out there in the world, being blown in my general direction.

But something that I’ve been realizing lately, and that you address here, is that not everyone is worth having a relationship with. I don’t even mean that like “they have no worth as a person” I just mean that we are not compatible and we have little to offer each other. I don’t need to maintain relationships with people. I should be considerate and polite, I think, but if that’s not enough for them? That’s their issue, not mine.

Thanks for this post!

]]> By: nadine http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-251712 nadine Wed, 29 Apr 2009 04:04:56 +0000 http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/#comment-251712 To burn or not to burn? i gave my notice on a job with a life sucking culture that made me unhappy. i finished out my work and went to my new position. however before i left my old job, i heard my old boss being paged to take a call from my new boss. Guess whose new job SUCKED. i left the new job and i BURNED MY BRIDGES with great gusto. However the economy was better and i had a new job already lined up. i moved from the east coast to the southwest. Economy was going great guns. i interviewed with tons of firms. i liked one place UNTIL the principal called me regarding a reference. He said that my old job described me as hard working, smart etc, and a bit of a flake. HIS question to me was 'are you a flake?' Needless to say my interest in the firm and my opinion about the judgment of the founding principal was that he was an idiot. Point of story? Sometimes you need to have a bridges burning experience to prove to yourself that what you want is different than what you expected. my boss to boss story taught me to stay out of firms that were tapped into the old boy network. my reference story reinforced that office culture was important. my previous firm felt i was a flake b/c i had a life and outside interests. my potential new firm let a reference spoil an opportunity to have an outstanding employee. And i have a job now that i love. To burn or not to burn? i gave my notice on a job with a life sucking culture that made me unhappy. i finished out my work and went to my new position. however before i left my old job, i heard my old boss being paged to take a call from my new boss. Guess whose new job SUCKED. i left the new job and i BURNED MY BRIDGES with great gusto. However the economy was better and i had a new job already lined up.

i moved from the east coast to the southwest. Economy was going great guns. i interviewed with tons of firms. i liked one place UNTIL the principal called me regarding a reference. He said that my old job described me as hard working, smart etc, and a bit of a flake. HIS question to me was ‘are you a flake?’ Needless to say my interest in the firm and my opinion about the judgment of the founding principal was that he was an idiot.

Point of story? Sometimes you need to have a bridges burning experience to prove to yourself that what you want is different than what you expected. my boss to boss story taught me to stay out of firms that were tapped into the old boy network. my reference story reinforced that office culture was important. my previous firm felt i was a flake b/c i had a life and outside interests. my potential new firm let a reference spoil an opportunity to have an outstanding employee.

And i have a job now that i love.

]]> By: How to deal with reference checks | Penelope Trunk's Brazen Careerist http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/comment-page-1/#comment-251492 How to deal with reference checks | Penelope Trunk's Brazen Careerist Tue, 28 Apr 2009 17:17:43 +0000 http://modite.com/blog/2009/04/06/%e2%80%98don%e2%80%99t-burn-bridges%e2%80%99-is-bad-career-advice/#comment-251492 [...] most interesting discussions about references that I’ve seen in a long time. First, she says that references are outdated because most good jobs require that you know someone to get in the door. And this goes back to the [...] [...] most interesting discussions about references that I’ve seen in a long time. First, she says that references are outdated because most good jobs require that you know someone to get in the door. And this goes back to the [...]

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