March 10, 2008 | By Rebecca Thorman
On the third round of interviews for my current job, my interviewer was a Boomer whose opinion as the head of a similar and larger organization was valuable to my future Board.
After talking about Gen Y leadership, in which I blatantly quoted my blog to close the deal, she asked me what I would do if I witnessed unethical behavior.
“I would investigate to see if it was really unethical behavior,” I said, “or if I was misunderstanding the situation.”
It was the perfect answer for a business that loves gossip, but doesn’t like to make waves.
Then out of nowhere I felt compelled to add, “And I would probably call my mom and ask her advice.”
My interviewer smiled. Turned out my answer was right on all counts.
We ended up spending a large part of the remaining time talking about her relationship with her mom. She described how her mother had come to interviews with her, and how she continued to count on her mom in her high-profile position.
Gen Y isn’t the only one counting on parents for advice. This is behavior magnified and built upon from previous generations.
I call my mom all the time. Not as much as she’d like me to - a constant source of debate - but I value her thoughts and respect her advice more than anyone else.
She’s usually right too. Men, career, friends, she just knows. Everything. Annoying, that.
“Most Gen Y’s have strong, positive relationships with their Boomer parents,” Tammy Erickson argues at the Harvard Business Review. “They speak with Mom or Dad when they have a problem, and most feel that their parents understand them.”
I’m not saying that you should always listen to your parents, or that they’re always right. My own mother, who I referenced in my interview to get the job, and who praised me for my smart answers, was hesitant that I should even take it.
She didn’t really understand what I would be doing. I still don’t think she fully understands. But I took the job anyway.
I also listened to my mother at the same time.
Listening to my mom is recognition that I am becoming an adult. See, asking for help is one of the most adult things you can do.
There’s no one better to ask for help than your parents, because despite the fact that sometimes they might annoy or guilt-trip you, they really, in their heart of hearts, want the best for you. And they’re always proud of you. They always love you. That’s what parents do. And they know you better than anyone else.
I find it funny to read that some experts believe that Gen Y “may well shatter,” as the result of intense Boomer parental involvement. Do you know what I do when life isn’t going my way? I call my mom. And do you know what she tells me? “This is your life,” she says. “Stop crying and deal with it.”
Okay, it may not be those exact words, but today’s parents are not ignorant. They know that despite their coddling, Gen Y will need to become independent in order for us to succeed.
So we might as well stop getting up in arms that parents are helping their children. Because in the game called life, we really need as much as help as we can get.
“Use your parents’ insight to gain experience when you have none,” Rosie Reilman argues. “But don’t let them live your lives for you. This is your life. Take ownership of it.”
I agree. I’m not saying don’t grow up. We should grow up and take responsibility. I don’t believe, for instance, that you should move back home after college. Because of how I was raised, I think that’s irresponsible.
But I think we all feel, especially in our twenties – and maybe it never ends – that we’re doing a good job of just acting like adults. And maybe if we’re good enough actors, we’ll actually become adults someday. With the help of our parents, of course.
While Erickson believes we should accept all this as “a changing cultural norm,” Scott Williamson argues that “accepting this sort of behavior just enables more of it.”
But I believe we want to enable a workforce that asks for help, that respects their parents, and who aren’t afraid to admit that we don’t have all the answers. Certainly, there are instances when it can go overboard, but why must we continually let a few bad apples set the tone?
We shouldn’t sensationalize what is generally a good trend.
Motherly advice.
Posted to: Career, Finding a job, Generation Y, Workplace | 34 Comments
February 27, 2008 | By Rebecca Thorman
This post about going from bottom to top was inspired by this comment. Thanks, Milena!
I walked in and almost everyone was sitting down, and the speakers were close, shoulder to shoulder. It was so hot and sticky outside, I went to the bathroom to freshen before sitting down near the door, lest the presentation be boring and I should want to leave in the middle.
Big Brother was the moderator of the panel, and I had seen him in the press, but never in person. After the event, we somehow managed to walk out at the same time. He said hello to me, in that special way he has, gleaming with charisma.
Much later we sat at a coffee shop, and I saw him repeat this behavior with other people who stared at him, as people often do. And I must have been staring too, because I remember the way that I felt was that my future was intrinsically and inexplicably linked to this man.
I couldn’t have known then that we would eventually sit in a car together as he expertly handled a disastrous situation. Or that we would have flurries of text conversations at nine o’clock at night. Or that he would be the one of the few people who could simultaneously inject fear and ambition into my dreams, that he would be one of the few to infuriate and inspire me all at once.
At the time, I was confused and unhappy. What I thought was supposed to be my dream job wasn’t working out and I felt claustrophobic in an invisible box, like a mime putting on a bad show.
I had a ridiculous time getting up in the morning, often rising out of bed just fifteen minutes before I was supposed to be sitting in my office chair. A three minute walk from where I lived. I didn’t really tell anyone at the time, not my boyfriend, or even my mother.
And little did I know things were only going to get worse, much worse, before they got better.
Eventually, it was mutually agreed upon that it would be best if I left my job, which sounds better than being fired, and it was just two or three days before Thanksgiving.
I felt a huge sense of relief, and full from a big plate of humble pie, I applied for and started my next job a short two weeks later. And then, a short two months after that, my body decided to send me to the emergency room. The day that I got out of the hospital, my boyfriend broke up with me.
It’s a strange feeling, hitting bottoms you never knew existed. But what’s even stranger is the wherewithal you find in yourself to keep going. That night, I cried on the shoulders of two of my friends, but in part of my head – the part that was growing an antidote to my flair for drama – I also thought that it was no big deal.
I needed to get healthy. I needed to get a paycheck to eat. I needed to figure things out.
So, I did that. With no other choice, it was remarkably easy.
I won’t describe much more about my second job because, in short, I loved it, and it’s difficult to write about such happiness without sounding absurdly corny. Suffice to say, the job was like a retreat for my career, and the organization I worked for was tremendously good to me.
So it was a surprise to everyone, most of all myself, when I started to feel restless later that year, and into the next. Seemingly losing it all made me remember I wanted much more.
That’s when I started this blog. Actually, I started a different one where I posted bad prose that I had written, and told around three people to go read it. Then I started this blog. And I told everyone in my address book to read it.
See, here’s the thing. When you put yourself out there for all to see, when you make yourself vulnerable, and you’re taking a big risk, and you’re doing all this because you can’t think of doing anything else, people will rally behind you. They will support you. Because people like to see others succeed. The universe will conspire in your favor.
The rush of this risk was so big, and the potential payoff so great, that I started to take more risks. I acted in a play where I learned the lines just eight hours earlier. I went skiing for the first time, fell on my butt, and got back up again. I learned sushi was the best food ever.
Oh, and I applied for my dream job and got it.
I don’t want to make it seem that I went through this big transformation over a short period and I know everything now. I didn’t and I don’t.
Let me be clear. It was really the years before this one, and those before that, which set me up to succeed. But eventually, you reach a tipping point and things begin to flow in your favor.
The pace since that’s happened has been like a water slide at a water park. The ride down is fast, scary, and exhilarating, and once you’ve reached the bottom, you can’t wait to make the long, hot and sticky crowded climb back to the top and do it all over again.
Because now I have an entirely new set of challenges and struggles that I face. I work hard, but also strategically and intelligently. And Big Brother, who seemed untouchable to me a couple years ago, is now one of my many mentors.
Dreams = Reality
Posted to: Career, Finding a job, Knowing yourself, Work/life balance | 16 Comments
July 8, 2007 | By Rebecca Thorman
Penelope Trunk argues that In today’s workplace, young job seekers hold the advantage. I wonder if this even matters when work no longer holds much meaning to Gen X and Gen Y. Having an advantage in a game that doesn’t challenge is useless.
Since the advantage is ours, however, let’s use it, and to negotiate more than extra vacation time:
1. Create a 3-position work week. Many of us complain that we aren’t challenged or don’t have enough to do during our 40 hours. Why work a full-time job in only one position? We already engage in extra-curricular jobs (blogging, bartending, volunteering, etc.) outside of normal work hours, but let’s take the idea further.
After you start a new job, monitor how much time it realistically takes you to complete your tasks. Then propose to your employer that they pay you a prorated version of your salary for those 20 hours, for example, that it takes you to do that job. Then go out and get another job. Repeat. This saves the company money and allows you to work two or three part-time jobs in order to showcase multiple skills and pursue numerous passions. For example, you could be an accountant for 15 hours, a personal trainer for 15 hours, and a graphic designer for 10 hours. And still have time for other extra-curricular jobs.
2. Request a trial period. For the company. Perhaps you have two job offers and aren’t sure which to choose. Or maybe you want to apply to several companies, but want a test-run first. The culture of one could be just what you’re looking for, but you won’t know until you actually work there. Why not request a trial period of a week or two to try out both jobs and see which you like better? If you request this pre-interview or job offer, this also provides an opportunity to show them what you’re made of, giving you additional negotiating power. It’s a hands-on experience interview.
3. Develop a partnership-job between companies. Let’s say you have two great skills: you are a stellar marketing guru and your research capability in biotechnology is cutting edge. The biotech company you work for hires out their marketing needs in lieu of staffing in-house. Why not work for both the marketing firm and the biotech company? At the biotech company, you are a top researcher. At the marketing firm, your major client would be the biotech company, who you would obviously have an intimate knowledge of.
Or maybe, you are a development officer at the nonprofit of which the bank you work at is a major donor. Or maybe, as the curator of an art gallery, you choose to use the firm where you work as an accountant. Discovering and using connections between separate fields will bring more meaning to your job experience and efficiencies to the companies you work for.
These are just some ideas to start us thinking bigger. Since we have the advantage, it’s up to us to make the next move and determine the pace, and outcome, of the game.
What are your thoughts? If you could have anything…
Checkmate your company.
Posted to: Career, Finding a job, Generation Y | 5 Comments
