Women will lead Generation Y – what will men do?

I really like alpha males – Hercules is the latest and perhaps greatest example in my line-up. Johannes is another. But these male leaders are not only a dying, but now an unnecessary breed.

Evolution from an industrial to a knowledge economy realizes the day of Hercules – known for strength, dominance, and authority – as fleeting. “Men could become losers in a global economy that values mental power over might,” Business Week argues. The age of force is over.

Issues of dependence and independence, dominance and subordination are largely irrelevant to how emerging young women see themselves, Harvard psychologist Dan Kindlon argues in his book Alpha Girls. “Generation Y is the first generation that is reaping the full benefits of the women’s movement,” he says. “Women corporate leaders blend feminine qualities of leadership with classic male traits.”

Gen Y women have both masculinity and feminity, developing as the best of both worlds. We balance the typically female feeling part of ourselves with the typically male thinking parts. We are powerful hybrids integrating “the intuitive and rational, the tender and hardheaded, the self-sacrificing and self-serving.”

We utilize a “transformational approach that focuses on building a team. The team approach is less hierarchal than the traditional business model. A girl’s primary goal is not to win but to maintain relationships,” Kindlon says.

The way of the alpha girl is the rallying cry for Generation Y. We disdain complex rules and authoritarian structures.

In contrast, men and boys “base their reasoning on how established rules or laws should be applied, rather than on the feelings of those affected by their decisions,” Kindlon reports. “Male children learn to put winning ahead of personal relationships or growth, to feel comfortable with rules, boundaries, and procedures.”

Men and boys with such personality types are not naturally in tune with other people’s feelings, a key to success in the new economy. Leadership that marshals and directs is often observed by young women as part of the dinosaur age.

Gen Y women will lead the new generation to positive and meaningful change. The ascent of women in the workforce will be unprecedented in history, and promises to have far-reaching implications.

We already see more women than men attaining bachelor’s degrees. In 2005, nearly 59 percent of undergraduates were granted to women. By 2050, it is projected that the degree gap will grow drastically.

Jobs are no different. Business Week reports, that “from last November through this April, American women aged 20 and up gained nearly 300,000 jobs, and American men lost nearly 700,000 jobs.” Research also shows that women who are in management make companies more profitable, even among the Fortune 500.

Roles traditionally filled by men – that of lawyers, doctors and managers – are seeing an influx of women. Other male-dominated industries such as manufacturing and construction seem to be perpetually in downturn, while women are found concentrated in upcoming and thriving industries such as education and healthcare.

As men are being hemorrhaged in blue-collar, white-collar, and gold-collar jobs, young women are picking up the slack, becoming both the providers and the glue for families.

The new economy is largely dominated by young women who have unique skills, not by men who have been taught to follow the rules.

“Men are less suited than women to the knowledge economy, which rewards supposedly female traits such as sensitivity, intuition, and a willingness to collaborate,” reports Peter Coy in Business Week. “Men have tended to do better in the hierarchies, following orders and relying on positional power.”

Young men then, seemingly devoid of the meaning and opportunities that once defined them, are left in a prolonged state of adolescence. And this limbo doesn’t bring out the best in young men, columnist Kay Hymowitz argues.

“Men feel threatened by female empowerment,” Hymowitz states in one theory, “and in their anxiety, they cling to outdated roles.”

Today’s young men are “following the line of Peter Pan, ‘I don’t want to grow up.’” Hymowitz argues. “Plus, who needs commitment when there is a fantasy football team league to dominate, the possibility that a gaming product better than the Xbox 360 could be on the horizon, and your live-in girlfriend will have sex with you whenever you want?”

Young men today “suffer from a proverbial fear of commitment,” and this may be the biggest problem – “a tendency to avoid not just marriage but any deep attachments,” leading to a life that is as empty of passion as it is of responsibility, Hymowitz says. For the contemporary guy, it’s “easy to fill your days without actually doing anything.”

The solution? Not a new career, but marriage. Marriage, she says, turns boys into men.

Kindlon agrees. Married men are more successful in work, getting promoted more often and receiving higher performance appraisals than single men. Married men are much less likely to engage in risky behaviors such as drinking heavily, driving dangerously, or using drugs. They are more likely to work regularly, help others more, and volunteer more. Married men also have better immune systems, and are half as likely not to commit suicide.

But women don’t need men like they need us.

“Marriage is generally more beneficial to men than women,” Kindlon reports. “Research found that women who stayed single in their lives seemed to have good mental health, while men who stayed single all their lives did not. Choosing to be single seems to be good for women but not so good for men.”

Role reversal.

This post also published at Brazen Careerist. 18 more comments, opinions and viewpoints there.

Gen Y women – out of the workplace woods?

Here’s the thing. I work with a lot of men. During phone calls, I speak with men. For meetings, I sit down with men. At networking events, more men walk in the door than women. In particular, at entrepreneurial events there are lots and lots of men, and just one or two women.

And guess what? I could care less.

Sort of. Because not immediately, but always eventually I notice there are fewer women than men in my life. And then, inevitably, I feel that it’s necessary to say something like, “Where are my women at?” I don’t know why such words fly out of my mouth because I feel comfortable around these men. They’re good guys. But there’s this undercurrent that just doesn’t feel right.

Monica O’Brien calls this casual sexism, and basically tells us to shut up about it, play by the rules and move on. Which is good advice. It’s the path that’s gotten me where I am today.

Indeed, this month’s issue of Portfolio observes that nobody wants to talk about it because most people think there’s nothing to discuss.

Generation Y women in particular are growing up believing they don’t have to worry about sexism. In college I certainly didn’t feel there were inequalities.

It was only a few months after graduation that I learned otherwise. Somehow I had finagled my way onto the Board of a local nonprofit, and the rest of the Board was comprised of men. Older men who didn’t listen to me. There was one woman who joined our meetings by teleconference; she was pregnant and bed-ridden. And those meetings always made me a little indignant.

Like when I read advice that tells me I have to get married and have babies before I’m thirty. I guess it’s smart advice, but it doesn’t resonate with me. I don’t feel that my entire life needs to be managed around having a baby, because I don’t feel that my sole purpose in life is to have a baby.

But it seems that because women are different, being built to have babies and all, that our success isn’t the same as the success of men.

For example, when one of the top alpha females in my area personally called me last week to congratulate me on a recent success, I was ecstatic. I told Hercules all about it, and he said to me, “That’s great. But you know, she’s really not all that smart.”

And I took what he fed me, because I respect Hercules and I like him a lot. But then, do you know what I did after that? Each time I told the story, I added that clause to the end. That this wonderful, well-respected woman who personally called me might not be that smart in reality. What?!

That belittles her success and it belittles mine. It’s casual sexism at its best.

This is what Gen Y women are dealing with. And it may be entirely more dangerous than outright discrimination since it seeps quietly into our minds and then out of our mouths. That sucks.

Because while we may not be marching for our rights any longer, we’re still debating whether pantsuits are unfeminine and men like Jun Loayza now think it’s charming to ask if we were “a little crazy as an undergrad.”

We’re not out of the woods yet.

Gen Y women will have to breed an entirely different form of feminism to deal with this. I don’t have the answer here, because I often feel conflicted. I genuinely enjoy being a woman. In my view, I want to wear the dresses and have the power. Only time will tell if I can have it all.

Working girl.

12 reasons why being a woman leader is challenging

1. Being nice is seen as flirting.

2. Men say in response to your success, “I always knew you were beautiful, but I had no idea you were intelligent as well,” and you just smile.

3. The female commons is tragic.

4. A meeting is never just a meeting.

5. You’re told to use your sexuality. But not too much.

6. You’re told to ask. But not too much.

7. You’re told to be ambitious, but ambition makes you a dirty word.

8. You’re told that you’ll never marry, but married men love you.

9. You don’t know if it’s safer to be walked home or to walk home alone.

10. Pearls, candles, and lotion are supposedly better gifts for you than iPods, books, and domain names.

11. Shoes determine whether you’re a prude or just plain incompetent.

12. And if you’re a feminist, you have better sex, which doesn’t matter because feminism has “completely screwed you.”

Rise above.

Generation Y breeds a new kind of woman

This post is an opening argument to the question, “Do women need men and/or children in order to be fulfilled?” Check out the opposing viewpoint from Justin Sanders here. This post was also published at Damsels in Success.

Update: This post was also published at Huffington Post.

Women need men. Just not like we used to.

While career guru Penelope Trunk insists that we will find deeper fulfillment from relationships over work, others like Hannah Seligson wonder why we can’t talk about “young women and careers without talking about the hunt for a husband?”

Generation Y women don’t relate to either. We don’t live container lives, with work and family and play muffled under air-tight lids. Our life bleeds together, and instead of a singular goal of family or career, we lead our lives as a continuum, family and career ebbing and flowing.

The reality of young women’s lives today is that we want it all, despite the warnings. While coming of age during 9/11 reinforced that family is deeply important to us, we were also raised to believe we could do and be anything, especially equal to men professionally.

It’s not about prioritizing one over the other, nor is there a single answer that works for everyone; there are extremes at either end. What remains consistent in women, however, is their sense of increasing independence.

Whether we check off men, children, career, or all of the above, the fact is that we have a choice, and what fulfills and limits us is not created by society and media, but increasingly our own desires.

As a result, our roles are changing. Women are becoming the leaders, and men the supporters. Even in relationships where children are the priority, and the woman chooses or is able to stay at home, women take on the dominant role, commanding a deeper respect than any time in history.

Many view the shifting roles as threatening the very basis of our biology. But it isn’t. It is simply uprooting the traditional western viewpoint.

Indeed, while spouses and children still rank as a source of fulfillment for women above careers, one’s personal fulfillment is increasingly not just augmented by, but necessitated by professional fulfillment as well.

Bored with motherhood and marriage, we savor the challenge of work. Michelle Obama said in a recent interview, “I love losing myself in a set of problems that have nothing to do with my husband and children. Once you’ve tasted that, it’s hard to walk away.”

Women don’t need men or children for fulfillment. They might get on okay with a cat, or their career, or another woman. But really, Generation Y doesn’t need much. We’ve been coddled and spoiled, and have long surpassed what we might need, and are instead creating what we want.

And what we want is to define a new kind of woman, a “compassionate alpha.”

The Generation Y woman has leadership and strength, and promotes community and empathy. We don’t dismiss motherhood, but embrace our strengths and use those to change the workplace, reaping from it a greater sense of fulfillment than ever before.

It is not a coincidence that at a time when power-hungry hierarchies are being broken down, women are leading and infiltrating the workplace. It is our skills and talents that have created such an influential shift.

Generation Y women are high-achievers, shrewd, well-dressed, and possess an emotional intelligence that far surpasses our male counterparts. We don’t rule by insecurities or fear, but by knowing ourselves well, and seeking connection with others.

In short, we’re women. We strive to be who we are, in our sexual identities, and in how we construct our personal and professional lives. We acknowledge our own complexities.

Our personal and professional lives are blurred more than ever before, and a woman’s strength in today’s society is the fact that we are true to ourselves — more so than any other generation — because past generations fought for our right to do so.

Ruthlessly beautiful.

Women need men and children to be fulfilled

This is a guest post from Justin Sanders who writes at www.thestateof.com. It is his opening argument on the question, “Do women need men and/or children in order to be fulfilled?” and it does not reflect my personal views. Check out my opposing viewpoint, “Generation Y breeds a new kind of woman,” here.

It is said that famed feminist Gloria Steinem once quipped, “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” Well, if that’s the case, fish need bicycles.

In heterosexual marriage, the male wins a woman’s trust (i.e., love) through courtship. A woman cannot love a man she cannot trust. In return, she gives him the power to love her. This exchange of power for love is how a man and a woman become one, which is the primary goal of marriage. It is the psychological key that allows us to grow. Sex is the symbol of this permanent and exclusive bond. Without this growth and this bond, the lives of most people are unfulfilled.

Feminism teaches that male and female are the same and sex roles are merely “stereotypes” imposed by men. As a result, millions of people are clueless about their sexual identities and suffer from arrested development. Nowadays, women are socialized to work in corporations, not to be wives or mothers. Feminism has destabilized society by undermining heterosexuality and the family. This perverse assault on gender difference is disguised as an act of “defense” of women’s’ and homosexuals’ “right” to be single and childless. Women have been duped into seeking “power” and “independence” (aloneness) through climbing the mirage of the corporate ladder. What women really want is power expressed as male love. They will get it when they are able to believe in a man.

True femininity acts in concert with its masculine counterpart, just as masculinity needs a feminine companion in order to truly develop. This has been the natural order of human beings from time immemorial. The natural result of this union between the masculine and the feminine is the child - Heaven’s most precious gift. Without a child to care for, a woman often becomes frustrated, bitter and distracted. She often uses the “success” of her “career” (which is simply a glorified word for “job”) as a replacement for the void of the missing child. Motherhood changes a woman permanently. The job, which once seemed so important, quickly becomes secondary to the starry eyes of her loving child. I’ve seen far too many women recite feminists mantras only to discovery - in their late 30s - that all they really wanted was a warm baby to snuggle.

Men and women are different, biologically, emotionally and physically - and there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that, so long as we never attempt to confine women to certain limited roles. In the past, men “overplayed their hands,” so to speak, and wrongly confined women to solely domestic roles. Now, a vicious cycle has been created because men are overcompensating for their past transgressions by feeling as if they must act and think like women in order to make themselves more attractive (i.e., metrosexual). These men typically have a hard time keeping a woman’s interest because women innately reject weak men. A man gains fulfillment by protecting and providing for a family. Weak, feminized men cannot do this.

To be clear, there is nothing wrong with a woman having a career. What is wrong is when women prioritize their career and neglect the deeper fulfillment of family life.

The W (and M) List - Promoting Quality Bloggers

Valeria Maltoni graciously included me in a list of power women bloggers yesterday, and suggested to everyone that they return the favor by recognizing quality women bloggers. This is a wonderful project, and I’m honored to be included and happy to add:
Dooce by Heather B. Armstrong
Lindsay Pollak by Lindsey Pollak

The W List - Women who blog

45 Things by Anita Bruzzese

advergirl Leigh Householder

Back in Skinny Jeans by Stephanie Quilao

Biz Growth News by Krishna De

BlogWrite for CEOs Debbie Weil

Brand Sizzle Anne Simons

Branding & Marketing Chris Brown

Brazen Careerist by Penelope Trunk

CK’s Blog CK (Christina Kerley)

Communication Overtones Kami Huyse

Conscious Business by Anne Libby

Conversation Agent Valeria Maltoni

Corporate PR Elizabeth Albrycht

Customers Rock! Becky Carroll

Deborah Schultz by Deborah Schultz

Diva Marketing Blog Toby Bloomberg

Dooce by Heather B. Armstrong

Email Marketing Best Practices Tamara Gielen

Escape from Cubicle Nation by Pamela Slim

eSoup by Sharon Sarmiento

Flooring The Consumer CB Whittemore

Forrester’s Marketing Blog Shar, Charlene, Chloe, Christine Elana, Laura and Lisa

Get Fresh Minds by Katie Konrath

Get Shouty by Katie Chatfield

Hey Marci by Marci Alboher

Inspired Business Growth by Wendy Piersall
J.T. O’Donnell Career Insights by J.T. O’Donnell

Kinetic Ideas Wendy Maynard

Learned on Women by Andrea Learned
Lindsey Pollak by Lindsey Pollak

Liz Strauss at Successful Blog by Liz Strauss

Little Red Suit by Tiffany Monhollon

Lorelle on WordPress by Lorelle VanFossen

Manage to Change by Ann Michael

Management Craft by Lisa Haneberg

Marketing Roadmaps Susan Getgood

Moda di Magno by Lori Magno

Modite by Rebecca Thorman

Narrative Assets by Karen Hegman

Presto Vivace Blog Alice Marshall

Productivity Goal by Carolyn Manning

Spare Change Nedra Kline Weinreich
That’s What She Said by Julie Elgar

Tech Kitten by Trisha Miller

The Blog Angel aka Claire Raikes

The Brand Dame by Lyn Chamberlin

The Copywriting Maven Roberta Rosenberg

The Engaging Brand by Anna Farmery

The Origin of Brands Laura Ries

The Podcast Sisters by Krishna De, Anna Farmery and Heather Gorringe
Water Cooler Wisdom by Alexandra Levit

Wealth Strategy Secrets by Money Gym author and Founder Nicola Cairncross.

What’s Next Blog B L Ochman

Wiggly Wigglers authored by fellow Podcast Sister Heather Gorringe

Ypulse by Anastasia Goodstein

… and I don’t think we would ever see a “M List” for men who blog. Or if we did, a male wouldn’t be allowed to start it (the outrage!). I’m an equal-opportunity promoter, so here are just some of the blogs I read from male bloggers (in alphabetical order):

The M List - Men who blog
15 Meanings by Will Kern
Adii by Adriaan Pienaar
Bryper by Bryan Person
Cool People Care by Sam Davidson
Creating Your Name Brand by Adam Salamon
Cube Rules by Scot Herrick
Devin Reams by Devin Reams
Employee Evolution by Ryan Healy and Ryan Paugh
Hello my name is Scott by Scott Ginsberg
I Hate Your Job by Chuck Westbrook
Jibber Jobber by Jason Alba
Mind Your Decisions by Presh Talwalkar
More than a living by Rick Turoczy
Noah Brier by Noah Brier
OkDork by Noah Kagan
Personal Branding by Dan Schawbel
THRILLINGHeroics by Cody McKibben
Young Go Getter by Eric and Travis

Did I forget you? No worries. Just copy the list above, include yourself, and add the best women (and men, if you feel so inclined) bloggers you know who are missing from it. Then, post the list on your site.

That should keep you busy.

I’m a Damsel in Success

My “Women are the new men” post was just published on Damsels in Success. I’ve joined Damsels in Success for professional women as one of their fifty Forum women, and will be writing a monthly post for their site. A big thank you to Damsel’s founder, Harleen Kahlon, for this wonderful opportunity.

If you missed the post the first time round, go read it at Damsels and don’t forget to leave a comment!

What glass ceiling?

I met Penelope Trunk today

I got to meet Penelope Trunk, of Brazen Careerist fame, in person today. That’s because Penelope lives where I live, in the great city of Madison, WI, and I thought the least stalkerish way to meet would be to invite her to come to one of my networking events. She graciously did just that, and spoke to a small group of us over ravioli and stale breadsticks. And when I say spoke, I mean she almost made somebody cry.

Penelope is tough.

Authentically tough, blatantly honest, and wearing some of the dirtiest shoes I’ve seen at a networking event in a long time. I loved every second of it. We all did. Trying to figure out what you want to do in life? Try stuff out. Shop around. Think you’re content? Content is boring; there’s probably something wrong with you. Found your passion already? Set crazy ambitious goals. People like to be pushed to their limits and that’s what Penelope did. She pushed each and every one of us to go farther, reach deeper and come out triumphant. Except for the woman who almost cried.

If you missed it and are lucky enough to live in Madison, WI, come to the next event I invited Penelope to speak at, the Madison MAGNET Networking Breakfast. You can skip the coffee that morning.

Don’t forget to read my related post: “Personal branding, accountability, and how to just be yourself already.”

Women are the new men

This post was also published at Damsels in Success.

I know a lot of awesome Gen X and Gen Y women. In fact, the city of Madison, WI ranks in the top ten of both female creative class, and female super-creative class percentages in the nation (Charlottesville, VA and Bakersville, CA, rank first).Generation Y women, Hannah Seligson argues, are “making one of the fastest and unprecedented career ladder ascents in history.” Here are some observations about one of the most powerful groups of women in history:

Women are more business-minded than men… Springboard Enterprises reports that “women in the United States have an ownership stake of 50 percent or more in nearly half of all privately held businesses.” In fact, women are starting businesses at a rate of twice that of men, attracted to the flexible lifestyle of being your own boss.

And we’re successful at it. The gross sales of women-led companies grew 39 percent compared to 34 percent for all firms. Barron’s predicts that by 2010 a woman has a one in seven chance of having a powerful job post. In Australia, studies show that “women-led companies on average outperform those where there is no female leadership at the top,” while “law firms with more female partners have a higher per partner income than those with fewer.”

… but women don’t always want a man, or children. While men in leadership positions often have a family to support them, Gen X and Gen Y women put careers ahead of settling down. While this can be a lonely proposition, many Gen X and Gen Y women are not in a huge rush to find a man, get married and start popping out children.

In relationships, the men increasingly stay at home or hold a less stressful position. If we’re even in a relationship. Many of us are doing just fine without a man as a result of our highly independent lifestyle.

A lot of us aren’t even sure we want to have kids. And if we do, we want to adopt (anything to avoid having a foreign object pop out of our fitness-club bodies). The vast majority of women that do plan on having kids also plan on staying in the workforce.

Women are natural leaders. The millennial woman brand of leadership is more about changing the world than our own egos. Moreover, we’re change makers willing to defy the traditional structures of “command and control” leadership for a more collaborative and inclusive model.

Anna Quindlen writes, “by its very nature women’s leadership is about redefinition, while men’s leadership has been about maintaining the status quo… You’re less wedded to the shape of the table if you haven’t been permitted to sit at it.”

I’m not surprised to learn that women and men are switching roles. I see examples all around me of women embracing the power of now to lead the next generation. The more young women that get others to not only look past their age, but also any perceived inequities, the better off our world will be.

One last note. Over in the UK, academics have dubbed young women leaders as “’the Monstrous Army on the March’, women who cannot, will not be stopped.”

Well then. March on ladies.

These boots are made for leading.